In the stillness of the night I search for Your voice. So lost were my days before I found You. How thirsty I am for Your touch. I don’t know what my life would have been without You. Can’t imagine where I would’ve been, what mess I would be in. Yet You found me…in the depths of my despair Your love conquered my biggest fears.  Seconds have passed, minutes wasted away, hours of pain, days lived in fear until You saved me. Somewhere stuck between who I was and who I could be, You gave me the push I needed to dream. The strength I needed to move forward.

 

My life is nothing without You. Living from day to day, I sought You and found me. I found the person I never thought I could be. I had given myself away to anything that intrigued me, I lost myself time after time. Hurt myself over and over again and then there was You. So powerful,  so faithful…in spite of all the things  I had done to lose Your trust, You saw fit to be faithful to me. I’m thankful not just because of what You did, I am in awe of who You are. May my lips never cease to give gratitude to Him who has shown me mercy when I have done nothing to deserve it.

 

I long for a touch from You, anxious for the next opportunity that You will pour into me, revealing Your majesty. From the stars in the midnight sky to the dew on the grass, I see You in everything. I look over my life and realize, in spite of my worst mistakes, You were with me all along. Certainly You know my story from beginning to end but I realize I did not always live in  Your perfect will. There have been moments, days, even years that I made mess after mess yet, You came behind them all and made me whole. How can I live in a state of unforgiveness for people when in my heart I know I have required more forgiveness than I have ever given?

 

Your love has seeped into the darkest corners of my life and given me hope. Each day I look into the eyes of my children and for a moment I have a glimpse of the love You have for me. My heart aches for the inevitable variables of life they will face. God I’m sorry for breaking Your heart, for being selfish, taking Your love for granted.

 

As I face the storms of life and complain about the unyielding pain remind me of the pain Christ endured so that I could live.  The blood shed on Calvary so that I would have a chance to find myself, even if that meant straying from You. Your grace is the sweetest song I have ever heard. Your grace has sung me through the calamities of life. An ocean breeze in the Sahara, it makes no sense how Your grace found me. Broken, unworthy, ungrateful, stubborn, and tired Your grace still found me.

 

Some called me wretched, others said I would never amount to anything; still You never lost Your confidence in me. Your mercy is the most beautiful poetry ever heard, it has no rhyme or reason, yet it reaches the heart of my soul. When I couldn’t forgive myself, Your mercy saw me through. When I thought I’d never recover, Your mercy nursed me back to where I belonged. When I gave up on myself, Your mercy pushed me along. I don’t know where I would be if it wasn’t for Your mercy.

 

I know that we haven’t always been the best model of Your love. We fight with one another over the smallest things but  I know that because of who You are, You see the heart of all men. You know that many of us are showing love the best we know how. God, help heal the hearts of men so that You can be seen clearly. Help us to never lose focus of Your love yet to live in fear of Your wrath because at the end of the day we should never feel we’re bigger than the God we serve.

 

Help me Lord to not just be a recipient of Your love but a gateway to Your heart. May the words that come from my mouth be pleasing to Your ears. May they be a lullaby to the fearful, a testament to those seeking something greater, and a reminder to myself that I’d rather be in awe of You, than awful without You. I have used my mouth as a weapon, leaving wounds that no doctor can cure. Help me to understand that the gift You have given me can be used to build or destroy. Lord, let my mouth be my most powerful tool, building up precious people, changing lives, invoking change, and inspiring dreams.

 

God touch my eyes, clear my vision, so that I can see beyond the way You see me, I want to see people the way You see them.  Help me to lose the judgment and fear I posses from past experiences. I have been judged too many times to pass out judgment. Allow me understanding, so that I can see that everyone is not like me, they do not live the way I live, or dream the way I dream. If You wanted us all to be alike You would not have taken the time to give such intricacy to our DNA, such detailed lines in on our fingertips, each lined kissed by your marvelousness and whispering to us what we must never forget: YOU CARE ABOUT US.

 

Words will never fully express the magnitude of admiration, the immensity of my praise, or the enormity of my worship. All I can say is thank You, I love You… Please God, never stop using me.

About The Author

Sarah Jakes

Sarah Jakes oversees the women's ministry at The Potter's House of Dallas, the church led by her parents, Bishop T.D. Jakes and Mrs. Serita Jakes. She regularly blogs at sarahjakes.com and occasionally serves as a TV host on The Potter's Touch.

39 Responses

  1. Pastor Bridget

    WOW Sarah…I am in tears..WHAT A BLESSING!!!

    I absolutely love the statement..”Help me Lord to not just be a recipient of Your love but a gateway to Your heart”…you will hear that again for sure.

    The closing is the heart cry of every true Worshiper..Words will never fully express the magnitude of admiration, the immensity of my praise, or the enormity of my worship. All I can say is thank You, I love You… Please God, never stop using me.

    I pray that He never stops using you and you never stop allowing Him to use you. I don’t think you will know until you get to Heaven how powerful your blogs are…they are definitely treasures from your heart cherished by us all….

    Let me say on behalf of all your readers/follower/supporters/friends/admirers….

    THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU….WE LOVE YOU …

    Your #2 Fan and Favorite Aunt…
    Pastor Bridget..

    Reply
  2. emmanuel arome nelson

    Every ink that drops from you pen, every of your thoughts you pour; every of your feeling truly expressed, clearly shows how intiminate you’ve gone with God. My prayer for you Sarah is that may your pen never run dry of inspiration. May the fire in you never stop burning, burning and burning till the end of time. God bless you :-)

    Reply
  3. Hubby

    Wow…. The whole post spoke loudly and abundantly to my soul !! But that last paragraph is a sermon by itself !! I’m gonna tweet that! Another great job honey!

    Reply
      • Dee Dee

        That was amazing , the purity in all the words straight from the heart no sugar coating I loved it !

  4. Dalya White

    What an awesome piece. Thank you Sarah for allowing us in your space as you spoke sweetly to the Father. This intimate conversation with Him that you’ve shared allows us to see just how great He is, how much He loves us, and how much grace He continues to give us daily.

    “Lord, let my mouth be my most powerful tool, building up precious people, changing lives, invoking change, and inspiring dreams.” I love that! That too is my prayer!

    Peace and many blessings to you!

    Dalya

    Reply
  5. Ladywise87

    Such an inspiration Sarah…Im just so lost for words. No words can describe how your blogs make me feel. It literally spoke directly to my heart. God is really doing some things thru you…I feel you allowing God to Use you thru your blogs is bringing healing to m heart that was shattered. Please Don’t ever stop Letting God use you. I have grown since I connected. God is good Sarah. Thanks :’) *Happy Tears*

    Reply
  6. Tariro

    Brilliant!!!!! I’m inspired. May God continue using you. You touching many souls.

    Reply
  7. Nomusa

    Sarah your blog has blessed me immensely. My past has not been the best but i move forward knowing God has washed away all my sins. Thanks for the encouragement and please continue strengthening us. We love what you do and may God inspire you to touch more lost souls

    Reply
  8. Jennifer H

    Hello Sarah! Your blogs are so enjoyable to read! I truly hear your heart as I read them. You have a great amount of wisdom and I know that you love Him!

    Reply
  9. travilla

    Wow I had to go somewhere private and read this out loud to myself. This is my life story,just like it is to many others. Thank you,I pray God will continue on blessing you,so that you will continue on being a blessing to us. Thank you,Thank you.

    Reply
  10. Brandy

    I am in tears right now. Thank you for the encouragement and the inspiration. God touch my eyes, clear my vision, so that I can see beyond the way You see me, I want to see people the way You see them. Help me to lose the judgment and fear I posses from past experiences. I have been judged too many times to pass out judgment. Allow me understanding, so that I can see that everyone is not like me, they do not live the way I live, or dream the way I dream. If You wanted us all to be alike You would not have taken the time to give such intricacy to our DNA, such detailed lines in on our fingertips, each lined kissed by your marvelousness and whispering to us what we must never forget: YOU CARE ABOUT US.
    Words will never fully express the magnitude of admiration, the immensity of my praise, or the enormity of my worship. All I can say is thank You, I love You… Please God, never stop using me.

    Reply
  11. Sharon Ashhurst

    Sarah, I am going to put this on my wall.This describes the true gospel. Could it be that the reason the Lord has not come is because the true gospel has not yet been around the world.Everything you have said is the character of our Lord and Savior and how we are suppose to feel about one another. I am at a lost for words because finally somebody got it.
    Much respect and honor to you. Keep it going.

    Reply
  12. Petunia

    Wow I am so blessed by this article. may God continue to use in such an awesome. Keep them coming girl. What an excellent job you are doing. Spoken trully from the heart. Wow!!!

    Reply
  13. BettyLuv

    Young lady – Beautiful heartfelt message that’s difficult to read without crying – such awesome expressions about about the love of your life. Just know your readers are absolutely blessed beyond measure with your blogs. THANKS FOR SHARING ! ! !

    Reply
  14. Ms. Woo

    Wow, you did it again!

    This blessed me…….. (Help me to lose the judgment and fear I posses from past experiences. I have been judged too many times to pass out judgment. Allow me understanding, so that I can see that everyone is not like me, they do not live the way I live, or dream the way I dream. If You wanted us all to be alike You would not have taken the time to give such intricacy to our DNA, such detailed lines in on our fingertips, each lined kissed by your marvelousness and whispering to us what we must never forget)

    Reply
  15. Nicole

    That was truly awesome!! I love the way you use words!! U are defiantly walking in your purpose!! Thank you for being all that you are to us women who don’t have that voice or the inspiritration that you give!!

    Reply
  16. Joanne J. Santana

    This week I have really been reflecting on a painful memory that now has the promise of turning into a better future. I think of the words that you write, the words in scripture, words your father speaks in his sermons, and any other point of inspiration. I then take all of these perspectives and come up with a finished product that helps to give me direction, and at times even answers to my prayers. Yesterday, I had to pass by a place that I had experienced so much pain, yet years later, God may be speaking to me about this place being a place of deliverance.

    I am getting older and I see myself becoming the person I had always wanted to be: calmer, forgiving, and more at peace. I would always look at people who possessed these qualities and never thought I could get there because I had too much pride and I just didn’t want people to push me too far. I didn’t realize that the qualities I had wished for required me to experience pain, discomfort and at times having to relive the same negative circumstances over and over again.

    I think back and wonder, “What if I would have received God’s peace and just remained calm?” At that time, the good resided with the bad. I had just received the Holy Spirit, started tithing, and became more involved in the church. I also started to attend a big church filled with many people, educated and successful people, and yet no one had the answers that I felt I so desperately needed. I started having negative experiences in the church as well, being confronted by rumors and betrayal. I had looked to church as a place of refuge, healing and understanding. Simultaneously, God had been speaking into my life and showing me things that I felt I had no talent to accomplish. All I wanted was to have a nice home, a simple and rewarding career, good friends and to be happy. I didn’t have the training required for what He had asked me to do. Only a handful of people can accomplish the level of success that I was being called to perform. It all seemed impossible. Now I understand scripture that says that all things work together for my good. I understand the concept of “the bigger picture.” If I would have had more faith, more patience and more love in my heart, I may have avoided some of the circumstances that I had been confronted with. I understand why forgiveness and faith are so crucial to life, for God;s kingdom to advance, and for my overall betterment. So now. like you, I am saying “Lord, use me.” Not just for the hope, the promise of deliverance, but for the change that I already see in me. Be blessed, Sarah Henson, knowing that someone appreciates all of your sacrifices and experiences that have made you “you!” Your friend and sister-in-Christ always!

    Reply
  17. Damah

    Awesome, dynamic & brilliant worship. I love it. Let my lips never cease to worship God.

    Reply
  18. Glenn_Cee

    Thank you for finding words for what I feel. Its scary how what is written here is so much my truth.

    Reply
  19. Thabile

    Wow this is powerful! Today is my birthday I was just contemplating along the same lines on how God has carried me through the good, bad and even worse. How he has shown me unconditional love even when I totally ignored him. How he has restored, healed and gave me hope when I was hopeless. All I can say is Ebenezer my Lord for carrying me this far. May I never forget that today I am here because of your mercy and grace.

    Reply
  20. tinishia

    no, seriously i cant stop crying………. this has touch my heart in ways ppl wouldnt imagine. thanks so much sarah

    Reply
  21. Cecelia Simon

    Saraaaaaaaaaaaah!!! Your writings touches places many of us never thought could be penetrated! Your transparency, in some shape or form, we all can relate to. I LOVE how you articulate how I feel!

    “I’d rather be in awe of you, than awful without you.”
    Help me to lose the judgement and fear I possess from past experiences.”

    Thank you!

    Reply
  22. Cecelia Simon

    Saraaaaaaaaaah!!! Your writings touches places many of us never thought could be penetrated! Your transparency, in some shape or form, we all can relate to. I LOVE how you articulate how I feel!

    “I’d rather be in awe of you, than awful without you.”
    Help me to lose the judgement and fear I possess from past experiences.”

    Thank you!

    Reply
  23. Rhonda Laurence

    Hey Sarah, I am soooooooo proud of you. You touch the hearts of all generations. Your introduction to your Dad, & our Bishop still leaves me in tears. Walk on in your purpose, I couldn’t be more happy for you & you truly are a testament to all First Lady & Bishop have instilled in you. Love you all….

    Rhonda

    Reply
  24. nontobeko mbuli

    hi sarah, it is as if you have read my fasting devotion. my eyes well-up with tears,because i deeply understand what you mean.

    Reply
  25. Amyamara

    Thank you for letting God use you……. You are speaking so much into my life and you have no idea….May God keep your vision alive

    Reply
  26. Tracy A

    Sarah you have been a big inspiration to my growth in the Word. Once I allow God to have controll of my life than will I be who he has called me to be. The sham of my pass has no power. This blog has blessed me in so many different ways and all I can say is Thank you.

    ” I have been judged too many times to pass out judgement.”

    Thank you Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  27. Paida

    Wow I am speechless, May the good Lord continue to use you that we may be encouraged

    Reply

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