Have you ever been in a car accident? Not a little fender bender that leaves a scratch on your car, I mean a real accident… One that left you sore, broken, hurt?… Have you ever been damaged? So hurt that a kiss on the cheek wouldn’t cure it? So broken that you didn’t want to feel the end of a hug, because it felt like the only thing holding you together? I’ve been hurt, broken, angry, mad, and disappointed. I’ve lost control of my character and given in to my emotions… I’ve taken the long road home instead of letting my steps be ordered.  One day I woke up and realized, I was responsible for fixing my broken self. I was the only one who could surrender to God and admit I’d lost my way.


I remember the first time I had a car accident. I stood there in the middle of the road, the front of my car completely crushed, the engine leaking fluid, and the airbag deployed… I followed all the proper steps: called the police, exchanged insurance information, took pictures, and called the tow truck… Weeks later when my car had gotten out of the shop, I never once asked the repairman did the other car get fixed. I never called my insurance to see if the other driver’s family learned about the accident. I didn’t call the police and ask them did the street open again for traffic.


Instead, I took care of all that I could control and left the rest in fate’s hands. I couldn’t afford to look back and trace everything that went wrong, nor could I commit my whole life to helping someone fix their own. So here I sit with my heart in hand and I wonder, why should I choose to help everyone but myself? We’ve all had crashes in life, things that have left us damaged, yet instead of fixing ourselves we wait on someone to come and rescue us. We wait for the other participants in our mess to change, as if their change is enough to fix us. The truth is we are only responsible for what we CAN fix. We can’t determine the outcome for others, or let our healing be contingent on THEIR process. Just because the one who hurt you stayed broken, doesn’t mean you can’t be healed.


Do the right thing, take all the necessary steps, but don’t postpone your healing because someone else isn’t willing to change. We have to fully release our grips on our situation, if God is going to make it work out for our good. You may have to love from a distance, admit to heartbreak, or let someone go forever. I don’t know what your process is, but I know your healing is worth the pain… The pain of letting go is worth the joy of living… Psalms 126:5 says, “Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy…” Make sure that you are sowing tears into productive pain, not the lifeless memories of what once was or what could’ve been. There have been times where I cried and cried over things that never showed me any signs of life… No signs of hope… You cannot reap where there are no seeds…


So what will happen if you leave? What would have happened if you stayed one more month? Or never missed that dinner? Who would you have been had you never had that accident? We must accept that we will have questions that will forever go unanswered. So we must dedicate ourselves fully to the options we have left, leaving the rest to God.


God, for the longest time I couldn’t move. I couldn’t go back and I couldn’t imagine moving forward. I felt the strength of Your arms pushing me… So little by little, I went through my own process. Looking back I see I was so focused on waiting on someone to comfort me, that I missed the One who could heal me. I wasted time, resources, and energy trying to do it my way. I know You can take all of the things I learned and use it as a masterful lesson. I submit to Your will God. I give my life to You and I ask You to take this mess and mold me. I can no longer waste time worrying about when karma will greet those who hurt me, ignoring the fact that I have access to You, who can heal me. I give it all to You to handle how You choose, because I know on my own, I can’t handle the collisions of life.

About The Author

Sarah Jakes

Sarah Jakes oversees the women's ministry at The Potter's House of Dallas, the church led by her parents, Bishop T.D. Jakes and Mrs. Serita Jakes. She regularly blogs at sarahjakes.com and occasionally serves as a TV host on The Potter's Touch.

65 Responses

  1. Jeffrey Benson

    Sis Jakes,

    You have no idea how this has blessed me, I am going through my wife leaving me and me thinking I wouldnt be able to go on, waiting for her to come back, thinking she was what made me whole, not realizing that it was ONLY God who said He Would Never Leave Me Nor Forsake Me, and He is the only one who makes me whole. Thank You so much.

  2. v

    Powerful what is one no month nothing…I’m a living witness
    months to months to years…look back it was
    wasted Time

  3. Torrie

    “Your healing is worth the pain”….. Awesome word Sarah! And so right on time! I’m sure the rest of the world is excited as I am that you have started writing again!

  4. Denise

    This is completely AMAZING, all I can say is WOW this has really ministered to me, continue to be led by God Sarah you will/have minister to many…

  5. Felicia Brown

    Your message was so needed for me. God always has a way of giving us what we need at the right moment and time. I so needed to hear that word/blog. ManyBlessings– Felicia

  6. Tyffany W.

    Wow!!! Thank You for being the vessel, the spirit of offense has been waging war on me. You have just confirmed all I have been praying and talking to my father about. Time to move forward…

  7. Lakesha Farris

    Thank you… you are helping me through my own hard decisions that I have to make…. Thank you and keep following HIm.

  8. myra j

    This was such an inspiration I too have spent far too many months trying to understand why I was blind sided on the road of life and met disaster head on, instead of happily ever after. I realize God doesn’t want us dwelling on past mistakes and hurts. I am moving forward now and I feel more freedom in my daily walk Thanks for sharing your heart with so many.

  9. Monique Harris

    Amen sis! Thanks so much for this tonight, you are really on point. I’m going through a situation with a friend right now and I know I can’t control the outcome but I can control me and my emotions. I want us to come out and still have our friendship but ultimately I want Gods will to be done in both our lives. It’s hard to lose the people you love and I’ve been through so much of that already I just don’t want to go through that pain again. But Amen, and thank you!

  10. Tiffany White

    Ok, I think this is about the 10th time I have told you (on previous post)…but I’m sooooo proud of you! Remember the only validation you need is from the Lord. Sometimes when God is putting us on a platform, we think we must prove ourselves to gain the respect that should go along with the title. Also, sometimes the title can try to push us places we are not ready to go. Enjoy this season of slow but steady elevation because when you come out of this fire…Gods placing you on a spring board …straight to the top. In Christ Love, Pastor Tiffany

  11. velma Cotton.

    Great inspiration! I am trying to avoid collisions in my life right now and was unsure if I was doing it the right way. I am glad to see that you concur with me that everyone does not do this the same way

    Thank you for the confirmation!

    Keep up the great work. I enjoy it so much. TKS!

  12. Sheila

    Through walking with God to find my destiny in this life has been amazing. I have made mistakes and God have kept me throught them all. People close to me have hurt me dearly even jeopardized my life. But God remain faithful and saved me. I’m learning to be content in all that I go through; knowing that it is for God’s glory. But walking closer and closer with God so I want cause myself anymore extra hardships. I know what God have planned for me is for my good. So, that I can be a better person for his glory and to love others. Recognize the enemy and keep the enemy where he belongs under my feet. Thanks, for your words of encouragement and we must keep our hope, trust in God and continue to walk by faith wish pleases our father.
    Love you,
    Yours Sister In Christ.

  13. Candice

    I thank God for your spirit Sarah. Thanks for sharing your words. It came right on time for the issue I’m going through being a new wife. Through your writing so much insight has been shed on my confusion. I’m grate for your blog & for Jesus letting me know that I’m not the only one

  14. Denise Vaters

    So blessed by this!!! Timely for my life!
    Increased blessings on you and your family Sarah! U have a treasured Gift for the Body of Christ now!! Thank you for obeying Him and staying on course with His assignment. God Bless you abundantly.

  15. Theresa Thomas

    YES!!! Sarah, when we give it to the Author and Finisher of our Fate. We receive victory!!! Take it to the KING and leave it at the throne…Amen

  16. Gilbert

    This is and awesome word I’m dealing with this right now so pray for thank you

  17. rodney thomas

    Unnecessary failures, trials, traumas, heartaches, issues and yes, even victories are used to teach us necessary lessons.

    You are learning the lesson that your only dependance is in God your Father, God your Savior and God your Counsellor.

    Humans will always be fickle and have inferiority complexes, but not God. He is always stable and will always be there for you. Thank you for teaching us not to waste our tears on wasteful areas and seedless ground. God Bless Sis!

  18. Rugail

    Very inspirational and a eye opener! You just have a way of saying things I believe that may of us go or went through! Your way of summarising a season love it! And sometimes we don’t even know what our stuggel is but by reading your blog it takes me to a place where I can say Jesus this is what my problem is! I have tO admit I have lost focus and have been waiting for someone to come and comfort me while Jesus was waiting for me just tO say yes I’m availble to you! “It doesn’t mean when someone is the reason for your brokeness you cannot be heald” Thank you Sarah

  19. Gail Cleveland

    Love it Lady Sarah……..you can’t reap where there are no seeds. Oh how true young lady. We can’t wait for someone else to fix us, we must fix ourselves with the Fathers help of course. We can’t get back time wasted, it’s lost forever or words we’ve spoken once they’ve been released from our mouths. Live on young lady. God is using you in a mighty way. God bless you and keep looking to the hills from where your help comes from.

  20. Karen

    WOW…as I’m sitting here digesting this article, it brings reality to the woman I see looking back at me in the mirror. Emotions can be like that first hit of an injected drug, which lead to addication. Addicted to the car that keeps rear-ending me.
    Awesome article!



  22. Selita

    Thank you Sara.Transparency is the major key to wholeness.keep being an example for all GENERATIONS.Love ya:-)

  23. Kawana Robinson

    I wasn’t only blessed by reading this but healed and strengthened. Thanks a lot!

  24. Pastor Bridget

    How inspiring Sarah. It is so good to see that you are back blogging again. Thanks for your commitment to be so open and honest while blessing me and so many others. I think this is one of your best blogs. Keep allowing God to use your hands, heart and mind to encourage and inspire us. As always I am so proud of you…

    Love Your #2 Fan and Favorite Aunt

  25. Bett

    Well put Sarah.Thanks for being transparent.What is the essence of healing,when we’ve never undergone pain.The process may be painful,but pause for a moment and look at the product.Keep growing!

  26. Kendra Snipes

    Sarah – This is true depiction of my life, my struggles, pain and the healing that needs to take place in my life. Thank you for being obedient to your purpose and releasing your innermost thoughts. This is truly helping me more forward, past the hurt and how to handle the pain, and more importantly how to Move forward. God Bless you!

  27. Angela Davis

    I truly enjoyed reading your blog! Awesome! Continue to let the Lord use you and be blessed!

  28. Janice

    God Bless you Women of God for such an awesome word. I just finished listening to Marvin Winan’s song You just don’t want to know and the Lord put these different pop-ups up and one of them was one with your name. I clicked on the pop-up follow directions and came to this awesome sight. God knows what we need when we need it because I just came out of a relationship or should I say a collision. When we do things of ourself and not wait on God to give us exactly what we need we wind up in a collison, but I truly thank God that he is merciful to be their to bring us out and still loves us in spite of. I was allowing man to validate who I was instead of letting God validate who he has chosen me to be. Thank you for sharing your heart with me I really needed that. Your Sister in Christ

  29. Cornice Jackson

    SARAH!!!! Transparency bring about healing for others. As I read the blog, it literally mirrored my life, which in itself is beautiful, because it reassures that I’m not alone. God is awesome in what He does and how He does it, which is why I have learned to have faith in what He allows. The pain is definitely worth the healing…I wouldn’t trade anything for my journey (boy was it a journey), because it got me to the place and headspace I’m in now…GOD is a healer or the heart, mind and emotions. Keep blogging, keep reaching, keep kneeling!!

    Bless you WOG!! <3

  30. delsile Glory Khumlo

    u knw u ve hil my soul just exectly wat im going through..i v been crying and crying for yrs for him to realize my love for him bt he keep going far and far from me bt he is my husband..now i surrender all to God my Lord and saiver to do his will to my life..

  31. girllikeyou

    Sometimes it is not as easy as it seems to get healing for the things we sometimes don’t understand and never tried too. Sometimes I easier leaving what you know will create more pain than what you are feeling right now. But if there is a calling on your life you need to work through everything so as to be ready to lead people to God. Thank you for sharing this blog. I am in the middle of a process where God is taking me to where he wants me to be. The road has been scary and lonely at times and more so now but as I read your blog sometimes its we who create those feelings towards ourselves. I was led to your blog a month ago by God and it has been inspiring me as I see that you are also going through the process. I am from Barbados so it was amazing how I found this but God is good! Thanks again:-)

  32. Robert M. Smith

    Yours words are very inspiring… prefect medicine for the emotional valley we can find ourselves lured into..BE BLESSED SISTER SARAH…

  33. Dawnisha

    I feel u in the spirit. I surrender my will the will of God and I thank him for using you!

  34. Dalya White

    I think this blog appeared in my email at some odd hour of the night and I didn’t read it and totally forgot about it. God’s timing is awesome, because I may not have needed this powerful word then, but today it has given me life!!!

    “I can no longer waste time worrying about when karma will greet those who hurt me, ignoring the fact that I have access to You, who can heal me. I give it all to You to handle how You choose, because I know on my own, I can’t handle the collisions of life.”<<<<<<POWERFUL!!!

    Thank you Sarah for allowing us to share in your healing process. Your transparency and willingness to share your journey with us is liberating and appreciated. May the Lord continue to bless you richly!!!

  35. daniel

    hey Sarah,,peace and grace be multiplied to you!

    i read 1st corinthians 13 the other week.
    i have been watching a lot of your fathers sermons and the one on “love has no loopholes” jumped at me considering that in my recent walk with christ i have been exposed with revelations that have shocked my system.but which meant nothing if i wasnt doing love.
    it was truly a profound chapter for me as with Gods help i handled a situation whereby i was forced to overcome evil with good as i had now learnt that Love is greater than even faith or hope.so the revelations stopped being my main pursuit in prayer and changed to pursuit on understanding love and help to DO love.

    It is so hard to understand it as it involves actions as opposed to words ,right?.

    i am on this blog coz God mentioned you to me in a dream the other night.i did not even know TD jakes had a daughter,,,but in my experience in this walk that started on 1st april 2012(when i got born again),i get these dreams about people and there is always something in common…..relationship trouble.i wont go into the details but i have even heard Gods voice on a matter and confirmed it was him when it happened the following day.
    just the way i heard you being mentioned in the dream.dint think much of it until i came across a post on youtube on your divorce.i wont comment on that in this public forum but will ask you to read 1st corinthians 13.

    My blog is onellove12.blogspot where i also share on matters such as these as the spirit leads,.

    May the spirit of God almighty whose essence is Love minister to you in giving you answers to your issue that are in his perfect will for you predestined child of his.
    remember,in ALL things we give thanks coz ALL things work together for good of those that Love the lord who are called for his purpose.

    what he started he will finish,for he who never sleeps nor slumbers gives word that never comes back to him without fulfiling that which he sent it.

    and youre situation and response will bring him glory.

    may it be to you thus….

    one love sis

  36. Mikaela

    Lady Sarah, the Lord laid you on my heart today. I’m praying for you as a woman, mother, and minister. Please be encouraged today, know that you are loved and that prayer is going forth on your behalf.
    1 Peter 5:10 New King James Version (NKJV)
    10 But may[a] the God of all grace, who called us[b] to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.

  37. Gavenchy

    I am really happy to read your past life Sarah and thank god for helping you to come back better than you were before your mess. you learned me that mistakes are here to build not to destroy; when you are in a mess you have a choice to give God the opportunity to take you from the dust and create a honorable sit.

    You don’t know what your testimony did through me in my situation.

    Praise God, He loves challenges.


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