I have been going through the hardest time lately. My world came crashing down around me. Everything I had been trying to hold together fell around me, shattering into small pieces…I knew that sooner or later, things were bound to change, what goes up must come down. I just didn’t realize I wasn’t ready to deal with what would happen next. Life promises one thing for sure, there will be tests and there will be trials, I just wish I would have had more time to study, more time to prepare. If I knew what I know now life would be so different. I would have saved more, said less, and prayed with more fervency. I wasn’t ready for this test, wasn’t ready to be stretched.

 

My body is tired, I tried to reach into the depths of my soul to find the answer to life’s questions, I got no answer back. I can’t deal with the stress of my life right now… If depression is being numb to your surroundings then this isn’t that, this is brokenness. Hurt too painful for words, this is the reality of my life. Jesus, I hurt…I have not lost my faith I just wish you could let me in on Your master plan.. Help me understand why others have it so easy, yet my life has been so hard?

 

Every time I turn around someone has good news to share, they’ve found their purpose, they’re so in love, they’re kids are excelling…I don’t want to be like anyone else but I could really use a break from this testing… I could use a reason to push forward.

 

Insomnia has become my best friend…The television must be on, an attempt to quiet the drama of my life; late last night I finally landed on CNN just in time to catch breaking news. I realize that on the screen is the electric toothbrush, my mother just gave me as a “pick me up” gift today. You see, my mother works for the manufacturer of the toothbrush and when they have new products we get to test them out.  Evidently, the toothbrush overheats after 30 seconds and completely shuts off, and by overheat I mean the people who used it in the trial received 3rd degree burns in a matter of seconds. The messed up part is that the manufacture, my mother’s company, knew of the problem a week ago. My mother gave me this toothbrush knowing it was going to malfunction and hurt me. I could not wait to give her a piece of my mind.

 

The next morning I called my mother as she was on her way to work and began my diatribe of how wrong it was for her to give me the toothbrush before it was ready and how irresponsible it was of the company to not do further testing… Once I finished my monologue all she said was, “But you wanted it.” As a child, it seemed like I shouldn’t have to be the one to say this but I continued, “Just because a person wants something doesn’t mean they get it when they want it. You don’t have to rush the testing process just because I want the finished product.” As soon as the words fell out of my mouth I realized I fell for it….

 

I have been complaining for months about going through struggle after struggle, too many tests for one person, and here I was complaining because something was released without enough testing. As much as I want the tests of my life to be over, God has required I undergo further testing. From the outside looking in it appeared the toothbrush was ready for use but, the inside knew something the outside did not. Something inside of me has sent a signal that I’m not ready for the next phase of my life. No matter how ready I feel that I am, there are still areas that God is yet working on.

 

This blog is for those in the prototype phase of their walk with God. Everything looks right but nothing is going the way it should. A prototype is a model of a product used for testing before a manufacturing run is ordered. Before God can release you into your destiny He needs to test your areas of weakness, He needs to know where you may malfunction, the places where you’re likely to stumble. In order to fix an issue on the inside that will affect the overall quality of your life, God may have to take you apart. He may have to break you into pieces so that He can find the root of your problem.

 

You may feel like you are ready for the next stage in God’s master production but, He’s telling you further testing is needed. Trust that God, who placed the stars in the sky and the fish in the sea, has a plan for all the broken areas of your life. You cannot hang on to the memory of when you were almost whole nor can you rush the testing process. If God is trying to break you down, breakdown…cry, yell, scream, discover where the malfunction is so He can fix it and restore you anew.

 

God, all I see right now are broken pieces…areas that were once almost complete now they have no place. I am overwhelmed with the pain of testing, too tired to hold it together so I’ve decided to let it go. I am going to break myself down even when it hurts, even when I’m afraid because trying to hold it together isn’t helping. If me holding it together is keeping You from healing me fully please know that I will no longer stand in the way of Your work. I know that Your word promises all things will work together for my own good. I trust that You won’t leave me, so here I am, I am turning myself in…God please break me down..

 

About The Author

Sarah Jakes

Sarah Jakes oversees the women's ministry at The Potter's House of Dallas, the church led by her parents, Bishop T.D. Jakes and Mrs. Serita Jakes. She regularly blogs at sarahjakes.com and occasionally serves as a TV host on The Potter's Touch.

78 Responses

  1. Rozelle

    The part that really got my attention was the statement about holding on to the memory of when you were almost whole. That pointed out a very obvious thought that has traveled through my mind lately. Thank you for posting :)

    Reply
  2. Angel B

    I needed that that’s where I am in my life dk what to do nd where to go thank u…I’ve cried,screamed,yelled…nd told god im trusting him. Thanks

    Reply
  3. @Eclectically_P

    Oh how those words are true to my life and that of many others I’m sure. Reading this has allowed me to see and understand that I need to stop trying to ‘hold it together’, and allow myself to be broken down through a breakdown instead. Thanks so much for this sistah!

    Reply
  4. Marie

    Wowww you took the words out of my mind and put them down . This is my feelings and sentiment exactly love it thanks for writing this . And blessed be the Almighty for such great inspiration . I have found multiple blessings through your blog thank you

    Reply
  5. Selena Gonzalez

    This broke me down to tears… at times I feel my life isn’t fair… I constantly am giving of myself to a man who took me for granted… now I feel as if I’m to blame for all he done to me.. plz keep me in your prayers… love always…. God bless

    Reply
  6. Stephanie Taylor

    I’m just overwhelmed with the truth of what this article is speaking into my situation my life right now. I have been broken for so long suffering from all the pieces of my marriage ending has left me with to try to somehow go on each day just putting one foot in front of the other has been difficult. But this blog has given me just a little more hope!!! With gratefulness in my heart I thank you for this.

    Reply
  7. Rhachelle

    I am in tears. I am in this place and it seems like once one area that was broken is restored, another is chipped or shattered. I won’t give up but I will continue to allow God to break me down. 2 Corinthians 4:8-10

    Reply
  8. Aloma

    I’m speechless at the moment. Thank you for posting this because your words are my thoughts and feelings in this season of my life… WOW….

    Reply
  9. Destini King

    Sis this was amazing!!! Many times we let relationships break us down, but why go through all of that construction, when we can be made new by our maker where no detours are needed! Many times we do think we are ready for higher levels. But to hit rockbottom and be recreated, then will we have the power and anointing to touch other lives and help to build them again. ahhh…No wonder you go to a church called #PottersHouse =) Love you sis! Thanks for that midnight snack on the WORD…XOXO

    Reply
  10. evelyn

    The other day i was taken back to Jeremiah 29:11 that we all love God says “FOR I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU..they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope”(NLT). The message actually says “I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for” I love to figure out things…many a time i want God to reveal to me everything so that i can prepare to face it all…i want him to cue me in on the mystery of my life but many a time he doesn’t and all he asks of me is trust me….
    It’s so hard to trust when everything is crushing down….but that’s all he keeps whispering to me..Even when he gives me a glimpse of what its supposed to be i want to know how, when it will all be and that’s us being human..well we just have to tell ourselves to trust him..i have had to speak to my heart…to listen to me as i was resounding what God was saying to me…that’s the challenge but as long as he’s got you in his hands, he’s got it all figured out…We will never fully comprehend or understand our moments in life…but His plans remain great and good. A place of daily abandonment is where he is calling us to…to trust him because he loves us, trust him because he made us and trust him because he knows the end from the beginning…that’s my daily challenge..trust me..stop fighting..ssshhhhh..be still, trust me..He’s faithful..so may we not lose heart….He loves us too much..Am learning that….

    Reply
  11. Janet Jenkins

    What a great message of openness and honesty. Everytime I read your blogs I ask myself, how old is she again? LOL Sarah let me just say, God is using you in a special way. Being a wife and mother of 3, with my oldest being 23 and youngest 9, I am being uplifted,encouraged and moved by your words. I will be introducing my oldest daughter to your blog. She needs to hear some words of encouragement and motivation from someone in her generation. Thank you for allowing yourself to be used in such a mighty way. Stay encouraged, focused and open to God’s annointing on your life. You have a gift, continue to use it. Love you and God bless you.

    Reply
  12. Adriene

    Ok Sarah seriously, this is exactly where I am right now. Its like I had you over for coffee and you asked me what’s wrong. Then you put pencil to pad, fingers to keyboard, and said Adriene this is for you my sister. Now I shed tears knowing that God is breaking me down. Its just the process. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

    Reply
  13. Patrice Hall

    Awesome piece!!! We can never forsake “the process” …. In your words… You oily!!! :-) #3 Fan!

    Reply
  14. Penny Segone

    Thank you for the words of encouragement, many of us go through this in life and once broken we think God cannot restore and renew us. thank you Sarah your blog is such a blessing.

    Reply
    • Lady Tiffany White

      I can’t wait for patience to have her perfect work in you Lady Sarah! When she is done, you will be a force in the Kingdom of God! Awesome word and I can see you in your future and you look much better than you look right now! Destiny awaits…

      Reply
  15. Tayo Adeoye

    You are a blessing… You express the feelings in my heart that, even I is unable to put in words. Thank you for yielding to the spirit to start this blog.

    Reply
  16. Elisha

    Sarah, you put into words everything I’ve been feeling for the past few months. I couldn’t get through reading this without breaking down in tears. This process is so very painful… but I know that this work on me is from God so it is a good work. He has the master plan and he is sovereign. But Lord knows this is hard! Thank you soo much for this blog!

    Reply
  17. Wendy

    Sarah, you put into words everything I’ve been feeling for the past ten years. I couldn’t get through reading this without breaking down in tears. This process is so very painful… but I know that this work on me is from God so it is a good work.
    He has the master plan and he is sovereign. But Lord knows this is hard! There is a saying that the Lord will not put more on you than you can bear but I have been tempted many times to tell God that he has over-estimated my strength. Thank you soooo much for this insightful blog!

    Reply
  18. Yvonne

    I thought “division” was the one, but you really put your heart and soul into this one!!!

    I haven’t lost faith, but I’m tired of holding on, I just really want to know your plan for my life and my purpose!!! I’m giving it all up and looking to You for direction, just want to be whole, at peace and doing my purpose!!
    Thank you for your blog, you are continuing to bring hope and light on different situations!! Love ya

    Reply
  19. Sonya

    WoW! I am going through testing right now. Thanks for the prayer at the end. You spoke just want I could not say to God. Thanks. I am turning myself in again…

    Reply
  20. K. Booker

    I was sitting here feeling down when I read your message, Thank You for helping me to see, I will now BREAKDOWN, and allow GOD to work in and on me.

    Reply
  21. Macu Pilime

    Thank you Ms Sarah. Again, you have articulated one of the most important truths of life with such distinctive clarity and eloquence. I sincerely pray that God never stops imparting into your life for many of us benefit from it.
    Regards
    Macu (South Africa)

    Reply
  22. Ramb

    I know where you are at. The first half of the article feels like a page that was ripped from my diary. On the other hand, the latter part of the article was what I needed to hear. Thanks a Billion!

    I feel broken to the point where I am not just shattered….but splintered. Likewise, my ‘untimely’ exit from this world…is avoidable because my extremely religious family and upbringing hammered it into my head that such an act was unforgiveable…lol

    I find that it helps if I think of my life as a jigsaw puzzle or a mosaic.
    When building a puzzle I often get frustrated because I think that the manufacturers have made a mistake or something, because the pieces don’t seem to fit together. So it is that in life I become frustrated when I can’t seem to see the point of a trial, test or certain situations in life. But I am reminded that like the puzzle, each piece has a purpose and they will eventually fit together just perfectly.

    Similarly, Mosaics are works of art that are made from shards (broken pieces) of glass, tiles or papers etc. Scraps of materials that by itself seem useless or like garbage…but in the Masters Hand…Becomes a Beautiful Masterpiece.

    Thanks A Billion Guys
    God Bless Y’all

    Reply
  23. Lisa CrossedOver Bridges

    I’m so so so proud of you Sarah. God is so faithful. And I literally see God’s hand on your life. You have come into your divine season with your Creator/GOD & it is always a pleasure to see his mighty hand on others & his faithfulness revealed. You are a blessing & wise sounding alarm for your generation & all that receive you. God Bless you as you continue to drink from his well of life….Lisa CrossedOver Bridges……

    If you ever have a moment, feel free to read some of my blogs as well from my lane titled “Prison Wives Soup for the Soul”….. blogger.com…..Take Care

    Reply
    • Lisa CrossedOver Bridges

      Sarah, I made a typo in my 1st comment above. If you would like to read my blogs from “Prison Wives Soup for the Soul, you must go to blogspot.com…..Thanks & God Bless

      Reply
  24. SHANDREL DANIELS

    Oh my God, I appreciate you sharing this article. God knows what we need. I needed that TODAY!!!!!!!!! God is so faithful and just. Thanks for shaing this AWESOME message.

    Reply
  25. GlennCee

    I am literally in tears! You just wrote my life at this very moment. Thank you! This is something I had to read!!

    Reply
  26. Debbie

    Ive been crying for 2 days so much is going on every time I think I have a handle on it something else breaks loose. I knew God was doing something but had no idea it was “breaking” part of my family hates me only reason is my strength an belief in God battle after battle I keep praying n pressing forward last few days tears rushing still trusting believing praying but heart too heavy can’t hold back tears . I won’t quit serving believing n will never give up so whatever next step is in His service I’m taking with a smile on my face and tears in my eyes. You have put a name on aching in my heart “breaking” thank you

    Reply
  27. Ms Spicy

    Well said, Sarah!! I love how God uses those around us to pin point just where our issues are. Yes, Life gets hard and the tests, and trials of life may sometimes weigh us down..But just like you said, “All things work together for the good.” So let God use those Broken Pieces & Make a Master Piece out of you. God Bless you Sarah.
    *Ms Spicy

    Reply
  28. Charlotte Davis

    What a powerful word,especially for young people. I’am 60 and I got something out it.. I also sent it to my grandchild, I pray that it minister to her more than it did me..I praise God how he brought you through all your rough places, if you had not gone thru them. You would not be able to impact the world as you are doing, not just christian, but everyone is going thru hard times, test and trials. God is using you to that bridge that can bring them over… Thank God for your mentors,Mom and Dad. You were bless to have. take it from someone who did not have that.. But by the Grace of God I made it, Continue to let God use you as only He can!!!1

    Reply
  29. Gardiy

    “If God is trying to break you down, breakdown…cry, yell, scream, discover where the malfunction is so He can fix it and restore you anew.” This just amazing Sarah. Keep them coming. I totally relate with this blog. I have nothing much to show after all the battles recently, but all I have is the grace of God that was in abundance to cum & see me through! God bless you.

    Reply
    • Shelly

      Gardiy, you have PLENTY to show after all your recent battles —> YOU!!! You’re still here! You MADE IT!!!

      Reply
  30. Shelly

    Hi sis, THIS IS IT!!! This is where I am right now, and I’m telling you I’ve been in tears almost daily since this season of my journey began. I know it’s for my good, but my Lord the pain! smh……

    Thank you for writing this piece. I REALLY needed to read this today.

    Your #4 fan!

    Reply
  31. Carla A.

    It was meant for me to read this at this particular time. As I go through my own trails and tribulations I know that although I am being broken, God is in the process of putting me back together, and better than ever.

    Reply
  32. Melinda

    Yes! I am currently in a test. I have cried many times. I’ve even gone into the “ugly cry”, but I know God is able. Sometimes I need to be silent, and it took this test for me to realize it. So many times I try to fix my own problems by responding and debating. God is telling me that He has it under control. Now I have to put my faith to work. For now, my lips are sealed! Amen!

    Reply
  33. Joanne J. Santana

    I overheard a comment by someone which had made me a little upset. This individual stated that he had noticed some personal growth within me. He even mentioned that God may have had to “break me” in order to get me to where I am now. I thought about what he may have been referring to and all of the pain associated with that memory. I just thought how that could not have been God because the things that I had to overcome involved circumventing some very unscrupulous people. People who held positions within the body of Christ and who I had hoped to learn from. People who I eventually had to learn not to trust.

    Every time I thought about the “breaking” comment, I would get angry and try to reason how it could not be God. I would skim through all of the scriptures in my mind and wonder if I could find a possible reference to my situation. Some form of confirmation that would back up what I was feeling. I couldn’t think of anything. I read your blog and then thought, “O.k., possibly.” I heard your father’s sermon today and then thought, “O.k., this is it.” Three time’s a charm! :)

    The one thing I do know is that God loves me, despite my shortcomings, fears and failures. I know that I can hang onto him when everything else seems to fall apart. In my own reasoning, I think that God just needed to teach me about people. Sometimes when people hurt, they can act out in hurtful ways. I have had to learn to forgive and let go, so that God can work in my life and answer the prayers I had been waiting on. I had to learn to do things his way.

    Thanks for the confirmation. Once again, wisdom at its best! Be blessed!

    Reply
  34. Monica Lee

    Where is the LOVE button?! …. WOW, this really ministers to me! … Thank You for sharing!

    Reply
  35. Quisha

    One guess to what I was doing moments before I read this awesome message from my Lord. As I exhale and wipe away the tears I see you God for who you really are and I realize how much you love me. Not everyone will experience this but Lord you care that much about me to continue shaping my heart. Praises be to the one and only true living God.

    Reply
  36. Leslie Harris

    YOU HAVE SUMMED UP MY THOUGHTS FROM AUGUST UP UNTIL THIS VERY SECOND… THANK YOU ;0)

    Reply
  37. A. Gordon

    Wow…discover where the malfunction is? This article and the Danger of Division….awesome!!!! My discovery today…..the difference religion and relationship!!!! Thank you for shedding so much light on this issue for me!!!!

    Reply
  38. Khima

    you are being tried in the fire, in the furnace of affliction, but trust God.. for when He delivers you, when you come forth, you will come forth as pure gold. be encouraged!

    Reply
  39. Jama'

    You spoke the words I needed to hear at this moment, in this place…………thank you!

    Reply
  40. Amy

    Wow! This was such an on time word! Thank You! I needed to hear this right now, right this very second, more than you’ll ever know. Thank You!

    Reply
  41. Veola

    I really enjoyed this blog. I love your transparency and to be honest I thought I was the only acting out lol… I cried many nights, depression, stress to the MAX, pain (which at first I couldn’t understand why I was hurting), pleading with God to just let me catch my breath (a short break from the trials of life) then before I get to church I will put the “praise Jesus face” on (like I got it all together) until I could no longer hide the brokenness. One Friday night, my church invited a guest preacher and he preach from the topic “Torn Down to be Built Back Up” from Psalm 127:1 – “Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.” My cover was BLOWN!!! I cried the ENTIRE sermon. It wasn’t until that night I surrender and stop fighting with God in regards to the process. I thank God for the process and not allowing me to receive blessings that I’m not condition to handle yet (trial & error proven that lol).

    This is from my fb status Nov. 13:

    Food for thought: #PAIN – don’t despise the pain you may be experiencing this hour/season of your life. It’s a sure sign/indication that you are on the right path /road called “DESTINY.” #PAIN is like anesthesia which allows God to work at His best in your life as He prepares you for something far greater than your present state/condition can’t handle. #NEW#VESSEL – Veola Arrington

    In His Grip,
    Veola

    Reply
  42. gina

    i found your blog totally by accident. What a fabulous accident. I’m going through some issue of my own but what a blessing to be reminded of God’s goodness and timing. I’ll definately be back thank you all for the inspiration and courage

    Reply
  43. Sherry

    Wow Sarah, You are good. Your writing is laced with the wisdom you have acquired thoughout your young life. I’m sure sitting under your parents ministry is a plus also. Keep it up!

    Reply
  44. Jessica

    I remember around this time last year I was in a Wed night service and the speaker spoke on a message called “Tear Me Up”. I knew the weight of the words that she spoke and I was like I’m not saying that because He will do just that very thing. I felt like I knew what to do with my life, plus I’d just moved to a new city as a way of “me” putting my life back together. I wasn’t ready for God to “Tear Me Up”. My plan was not so successful and it left me in even more distress. Little did I know that god was already doing His work in me, but I was still tugging at my life that He wanted. Over the time God as revealing to me so many things about myself that could not be taken where He wanted me to go.The words that lady spoke rang loud in my ear a few months ago. And now that I am reading your blog I now have the courage to ask God to tear me up. I see that i can’t do this on my own and that He knows what is best for me. I believe that all is working out for the best. Thank you for this post. It was MUCH needed!!!

    Reply
  45. M'rcedes

    Mrs. Henson THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS BLOG!!!!EVERY word you typed is exactly what I am feeling right now. I bless God for u, for allowing you to be the confirmation I need in order to know and receive what God has been revealing to me. Please continue to allow God to speak through u to his people. I Love u for being a willing and available vessel. Again Thank You!!!!

    Reply
  46. WANDA EVERETT

    I”m in the breaking stage now in my life and the words u wrote have blessed me to be able to go through and know it will all work out. I’m glad to know their are others that feel the way I do. THANK YOU FOR SHARING U HAVE HELPED ME!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  47. April

    Im trying to Re-establish a relationship with God and your blogs are making it so much easier..He has recently Broke me down but i know its for the good…Thank you for this blog..God bless you!!!

    Reply
  48. Kenisha

    Lord have mercy Jesus! I have been going through emotional turmoil over the last month. I have suffered, tremendously, f/ depression, hurt, & anxiety. When others are not going through anything & their life is all fine…then praise the Lord for them! God bless them! May he continue to bless them!

    But it hurts very deeply for a person who has never been through anything to tell you how to feel emotions when you’re going through the pain. In order for us to be cleansed, we have to be broken down to the core (root) in order to get to the REAL issue. I’m like…”laugh @ me all you want when I’m feeling sad & going through. You can call me stupid for crying over my ex who didn’t treat me right. But when I get through my process of brokenness & grief, WATCH OUT! I’m coming out & will be alright!”

    Thanks for sharing this article. I can relate to it. God bless you!

    Reply
  49. Ajay

    Wowww!!! Amazes me…tears rolling..you always know what to say! Thank you for sharing. I can definitely relate!

    Reply
  50. CheriTawanamygift

    Thank you Sarah.. Very encouraging and helpful in knowing that no matter what happens as you allow God to be over it all he is in control.

    Reply
  51. Sunshine

    Thank you Sarah, this is where I am right now, I feel so down but I know that God is still on the throne. Thanks for your openness and speaking the truth where you were at. It is so refreshing to hear truth.

    Reply
  52. Cherelyn

    I just subscribed to your blog today and I have been reading all of your blogs. God has blessed you with a gift to add a beautiful, real and simplistic touch to what is or seems to be so difficult. Thank you for this particular blog because it shed a HUGE light on my “when’s and why’s” to God…. God bless you

    Reply

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