Have you ever been in a car accident? Not a little fender bender that leaves a scratch on your car, I mean a real accident… One that left you sore, broken, hurt?… Have you ever been damaged? So hurt that a kiss on the cheek wouldn’t cure it? So broken that you didn’t want to feel the end of a hug, because it felt like the only thing holding you together? I’ve been hurt, broken, angry, mad, and disappointed. I’ve lost control of my character and given in to my emotions… I’ve taken the long road home instead of letting my steps be ordered. One day I woke up and realized, I was responsible for fixing my broken self. I was the only one who could surrender to God and admit I’d lost my way.
I remember the first time I had a car accident. I stood there in the middle of the road, the front of my car completely crushed, the engine leaking fluid, and the airbag deployed… I followed all the proper steps: called the police, exchanged insurance information, took pictures, and called the tow truck… Weeks later when my car had gotten out of the shop, I never once asked the repairman did the other car get fixed. I never called my insurance to see if the other driver’s family learned about the accident. I didn’t call the police and ask them did the street open again for traffic.
Instead, I took care of all that I could control and left the rest in fate’s hands. I couldn’t afford to look back and trace everything that went wrong, nor could I commit my whole life to helping someone fix their own. So here I sit with my heart in hand and I wonder, why should I choose to help everyone but myself? We’ve all had crashes in life, things that have left us damaged, yet instead of fixing ourselves we wait on someone to come and rescue us. We wait for the other participants in our mess to change, as if their change is enough to fix us. The truth is we are only responsible for what we CAN fix. We can’t determine the outcome for others, or let our healing be contingent on THEIR process. Just because the one who hurt you stayed broken, doesn’t mean you can’t be healed.
Do the right thing, take all the necessary steps, but don’t postpone your healing because someone else isn’t willing to change. We have to fully release our grips on our situation, if God is going to make it work out for our good. You may have to love from a distance, admit to heartbreak, or let someone go forever. I don’t know what your process is, but I know your healing is worth the pain… The pain of letting go is worth the joy of living… Psalms 126:5 says, “Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy…” Make sure that you are sowing tears into productive pain, not the lifeless memories of what once was or what could’ve been. There have been times where I cried and cried over things that never showed me any signs of life… No signs of hope… You cannot reap where there are no seeds…
So what will happen if you leave? What would have happened if you stayed one more month? Or never missed that dinner? Who would you have been had you never had that accident? We must accept that we will have questions that will forever go unanswered. So we must dedicate ourselves fully to the options we have left, leaving the rest to God.
God, for the longest time I couldn’t move. I couldn’t go back and I couldn’t imagine moving forward. I felt the strength of Your arms pushing me… So little by little, I went through my own process. Looking back I see I was so focused on waiting on someone to comfort me, that I missed the One who could heal me. I wasted time, resources, and energy trying to do it my way. I know You can take all of the things I learned and use it as a masterful lesson. I submit to Your will God. I give my life to You and I ask You to take this mess and mold me. I can no longer waste time worrying about when karma will greet those who hurt me, ignoring the fact that I have access to You, who can heal me. I give it all to You to handle how You choose, because I know on my own, I can’t handle the collisions of life.