This time last year I was preparing an introduction for my father at Woman Thou Art Loosed that would change the very essence of who I am. A year later and I have experienced many highs and lows, but I haven’t faced anything as devastating as who I was before I gave in to that small still voice. I, nor anyone who knows me, would have ever imagined that I would stand before a crowd and speak from the heart about who I am, what I’ve done, and how God used me anyway. When I spoke last year at the conference I spoke about what I did and what happened TO me, this year I will stand a living testimony about what I discovered was IN me.
I let what happened to me, determine what I felt could be birthed from the inside of me. I set my own boundaries and parameters letting what happened handcuff what could be. The beauty of divine direction is that what happens to us can be used to help us propel into a destiny of purpose. Many changes have occurred between last year and now…I’ve shed many tears, laughed until I had the sweetest tummy ache, and seen the most beautiful glimpse of where God can take me if only I trust Him.
A part of trusting Him, for me, means being honest with the people He has placed me in front of… From the moment thousands heard my reality or read my blog there has been one consistent message: transparency… It is the desire of my heart to always remain the most authentic version of myself, to never lead a life that suggests there was no need for the blood shed on Calvary. I will not choose to live a life where I lead people to a God, I can no longer access for myself. I truly believe his strength is made perfect in my weakness. I will constantly live a life displaying my weakness and vulnerability so I can tell you about the strength of our God.
So here I am….teen mom, divorcee, preacher’s kid, daughter, sister, book lover, writer, chef, part-time comedienne, smart mouth, mother, friend, food lover, and television enthusiast…good and bad this is what I have to offer… I may look like a mess on paper, may not be much to look at yet, but He still trusts me with this genuine message. I am not perfect, I am not always right, I do not always handle things the right way, and I have certainly had my fair share of struggle, but I am redeemed.
I believe in redemption so strong that it can make a broken, struggling Christian believe that she can save another just by telling her truth… That truth for me is not whose daughter I am, though very honored to be apart of my family. It’s not about how old I am, though I’m proud of my age. It’s not about who I married nor who I divorced…It’s not about how old I was when I had my child or how many tears I have cried.. It’s about how all of those things help me discover what was in me, what I was capable of facing!
Last year at WTAL we asked God to help us Face Forward, to stop looking back so we could focus on what’s ahead…. This year we are asking him to give us the clues that exist inside of us, so that we can see the potential that was always in us… If it was in me, wretched as I am…It’s. In. You
God, help us look beyond the pains of life and into the hope for our tomorrow. Open our eyes that we may be able to see the purpose in our misery, the destiny that was produced in our pain. Continue to show us that focusing on one part of who we are isolates us from Your promise. May we continue to understand and accept that the bad does not cancel out the good in our lives, it just makes it that much greater. Release the fear that hovers over us, so that we can see be kissed by the Son, primed for our mission, and prepared to bring out what’s in us. I believe that we are greater than our mistakes and stronger than our fears…Made in Your image, if ever we should doubt what’s in us, may we always trust that whatever we are seeking it’s in You..