SarahJakes.com

The Eagle Within Me

Sarah — Sat, 23 Feb 2013 21:48:14 +0000

Some time ago, I was commissioned to write a piece from a daughter to her mother. I used my own parent’s as inspiration and this is what I wrote. I was cleaning out my computer and wanted to share this with you. There are eagles among us and within us. It is our job to find the courage to fly against the wind.

There are some birds…birds that fly in flocks to make their journey easier. Surrounded by their kind they create a momentum that allows them to glide through the air, each bird flies slightly above the bird in front of them. This flight pattern reduces wind resistance; it is the easier path to follow. All that it requires is that you stay in your place. Birds can travel for much longer periods of time this way because they use so much less energy.

Flying above our heads in the shape of a V, we watch birds find the easiest path to live, while we try to find our place in the formation of life. We search endlessly for a place where we can fit in, where life will provide the least resistance. Looking aimlessly for a sign…for hope that we fit in God’s master plan.. We look to the sky, beyond the clouds, in search for an answer…and then we see the eagle. Soaring higher than all the other birds the eagles are strong enough to fly alone. They are so strong the idea of flying against the wind does not scare them, it strengthens their will. In times of storm the eagles only fly higher, the wind of the storm gives them the push they need to soar higher heights.

It’s not often that we encounter eagles on earth…. We travel in flocks, do what it takes for us to be comfortable…. Every now and then however, we see someone brave enough to fly against the wind, use the storm to push them even further… every now and then God places an eagle on earth to teach us our own strength.

When rain poured and made your wings heavy you showed us how to take a storm and use it to take us higher. I sat back and watched as life gave you its strongest wind, I witnessed the strength in your wings, the determination in your tear filled eyes as you told life, “not this time…,you can’t take my joy..” I saw you fly above the flocks of those who said you shouldn’t make it, saw you put on your best face as our world looked at how you would respond to the troubles that abound… With your head held high and wings spread wide, I saw you soar…

Every now and then God gives us an eagle on earth… He allows us to witness firsthand the strength in standing alone. And while others may need to fly in a formation to make their life easier there are some people…some eagles… who create their own wind. you taught me to fly…. You taught me that my greatest strength arises when I feel the most weak….. More importantly you taught me that from where I stood it only looked like you were flying alone, you were really gliding on God’s unchanging hand. I celebrate the eagle in you, the eagle who showed me the strength that lies within myself. I don’t know what highs and lows may lay ahead but one thing I know for sure is that God’s created the perfect storm to lift you up, a flawless wind to strengthen your wings, and a daughter whose life has been forever changed by the breeze that trails behind you.

God give us the courage to find our own strength and give birth to our purpose. I recognize that extraordinary people must break away from their norm in order to go higher. I want to soar God. I want to take all that you’ve placed inside of me and put it on display for everyone to see. I know there wil be days when I will hurt. Days when I must shed tears and glide through life just to survive, but God help me to see past those moments so that I can find the eagle within me.

Wisely, Strongly, and Freely…

Sarah — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 07:16:16 +0000

Call me naïve, call me young, call me what you want… I believe in love. I look at my children and know that I would lay my life down to save theirs… without hesitation… without a second thought. I believe in love that doesn’t ignore wrongs, but pushes past it to find the right. I have known love that stands as a wall around me in the face of adversity, protecting me from a harsh world. I have seen love that silences personal thoughts and opinions, to spare pain from the one they love. I have witnessed love that casts the perfect shadow in the scorching heat of heartbreak. I believe in that giddy, conquers all, we can take on the world love…

I trust love… I trust that no matter what happens, love will see us through. I trust that love can see my mistakes and beauty at the same time, never loving me any less. I don’t believe what “they” say when they tell me love will make me weak. Love has picked me up when I couldn’t find my own way, filling the gap that exists between making my weakness a strength. I believe love is patient, because it knows it cannot be denied… Love is what wakes me up in the middle of the night to pray for my children. Love is what guided me out of harm’s way… Love is what protected me from the things I didn’t understand, but wanted so badly to know.

Love has mended the heart of the most shattered people. Love has provided warmth in life’s coldest days, reminding me I am not alone. My family did not just say they loved me, they showed me… There were plenty of times they could have turned their back, leaving me to muddle in my own pool of wrong… but love picked me up, cleaned me off, and carried my head up high until I gained the strength to do it on my own.

Even though many people masquerade lust as love, I will not be swayed… I will not give up, because I believe in love… I have experienced too much love to ever turn my back on it. Love cannot be seen, it isn’t always felt, but in the most needed moments, it wraps itself around us like skin, marking all that we touch with our love prints…

I pray that life never robs us of the treasure, that is love. Too many times we give up on love because someone abused it… Someone broke us. We become afraid to feel the warmth of love flee, so we choose to adjust to the cold of this world… But true love should begin on the inside. It should exist in the deepest part of our soul so it is not easily robbed… It should burn fervently so that it can melt the ice that life brings… Yea, I believe in love, in the beauty it possesses and the pain it heals. I cannot believe in God and not believe in love, for they are one in the same. I cannot trust God, and not trust love… Just as we must be cautious who we allow to lead us to God, we must also be careful who we let show us love… Love is too powerful to be administered by someone you cannot trust… Love is medicine for the soul, but if given to the wrong person, what is meant to help you, will hurt you… Love is too powerful to be shackled by your past… Love wisely, strongly, and freely…

Collisions of Life

Sarah — Thu, 01 Nov 2012 02:59:58 +0000

Have you ever been in a car accident? Not a little fender bender that leaves a scratch on your car, I mean a real accident… One that left you sore, broken, hurt?… Have you ever been damaged? So hurt that a kiss on the cheek wouldn’t cure it? So broken that you didn’t want to feel the end of a hug, because it felt like the only thing holding you together? I’ve been hurt, broken, angry, mad, and disappointed. I’ve lost control of my character and given in to my emotions… I’ve taken the long road home instead of letting my steps be ordered. One day I woke up and realized, I was responsible for fixing my broken self. I was the only one who could surrender to God and admit I’d lost my way.

I remember the first time I had a car accident. I stood there in the middle of the road, the front of my car completely crushed, the engine leaking fluid, and the airbag deployed… I followed all the proper steps: called the police, exchanged insurance information, took pictures, and called the tow truck… Weeks later when my car had gotten out of the shop, I never once asked the repairman did the other car get fixed. I never called my insurance to see if the other driver’s family learned about the accident. I didn’t call the police and ask them did the street open again for traffic.

Instead, I took care of all that I could control and left the rest in fate’s hands. I couldn’t afford to look back and trace everything that went wrong, nor could I commit my whole life to helping someone fix their own. So here I sit with my heart in hand and I wonder, why should I choose to help everyone but myself? We’ve all had crashes in life, things that have left us damaged, yet instead of fixing ourselves we wait on someone to come and rescue us. We wait for the other participants in our mess to change, as if their change is enough to fix us. The truth is we are only responsible for what we CAN fix. We can’t determine the outcome for others, or let our healing be contingent on THEIR process. Just because the one who hurt you stayed broken, doesn’t mean you can’t be healed.

Do the right thing, take all the necessary steps, but don’t postpone your healing because someone else isn’t willing to change. We have to fully release our grips on our situation, if God is going to make it work out for our good. You may have to love from a distance, admit to heartbreak, or let someone go forever. I don’t know what your process is, but I know your healing is worth the pain… The pain of letting go is worth the joy of living… Psalms 126:5 says, “Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy…” Make sure that you are sowing tears into productive pain, not the lifeless memories of what once was or what could’ve been. There have been times where I cried and cried over things that never showed me any signs of life… No signs of hope… You cannot reap where there are no seeds…

So what will happen if you leave? What would have happened if you stayed one more month? Or never missed that dinner? Who would you have been had you never had that accident? We must accept that we will have questions that will forever go unanswered. So we must dedicate ourselves fully to the options we have left, leaving the rest to God.

God, for the longest time I couldn’t move. I couldn’t go back and I couldn’t imagine moving forward. I felt the strength of Your arms pushing me… So little by little, I went through my own process. Looking back I see I was so focused on waiting on someone to comfort me, that I missed the One who could heal me. I wasted time, resources, and energy trying to do it my way. I know You can take all of the things I learned and use it as a masterful lesson. I submit to Your will God. I give my life to You and I ask You to take this mess and mold me. I can no longer waste time worrying about when karma will greet those who hurt me, ignoring the fact that I have access to You, who can heal me. I give it all to You to handle how You choose, because I know on my own, I can’t handle the collisions of life.

It’s In You…

Sarah — Mon, 01 Oct 2012 16:26:42 +0000

This time last year I was preparing an introduction for my father at Woman Thou Art Loosed that would change the very essence of who I am. A year later and I have experienced many highs and lows, but I haven’t faced anything as devastating as who I was before I gave in to that small still voice. I, nor anyone who knows me, would have ever imagined that I would stand before a crowd and speak from the heart about who I am, what I’ve done, and how God used me anyway. When I spoke last year at the conference I spoke about what I did and what happened TO me, this year I will stand a living testimony about what I discovered was IN me.

I let what happened to me, determine what I felt could be birthed from the inside of me. I set my own boundaries and parameters letting what happened handcuff what could be. The beauty of divine direction is that what happens to us can be used to help us propel into a destiny of purpose. Many changes have occurred between last year and now…I’ve shed many tears, laughed until I had the sweetest tummy ache, and seen the most beautiful glimpse of where God can take me if only I trust Him.

A part of trusting Him, for me, means being honest with the people He has placed me in front of… From the moment thousands heard my reality or read my blog there has been one consistent message: transparency… It is the desire of my heart to always remain the most authentic version of myself, to never lead a life that suggests there was no need for the blood shed on Calvary. I will not choose to live a life where I lead people to a God, I can no longer access for myself. I truly believe his strength is made perfect in my weakness. I will constantly live a life displaying my weakness and vulnerability so I can tell you about the strength of our God.

So here I am….teen mom, divorcee, preacher’s kid, daughter, sister, book lover, writer, chef, part-time comedienne, smart mouth, mother, friend, food lover, and television enthusiast…good and bad this is what I have to offer… I may look like a mess on paper, may not be much to look at yet, but He still trusts me with this genuine message. I am not perfect, I am not always right, I do not always handle things the right way, and I have certainly had my fair share of struggle, but I am redeemed.

I believe in redemption so strong that it can make a broken, struggling Christian believe that she can save another just by telling her truth… That truth for me is not whose daughter I am, though very honored to be apart of my family. It’s not about how old I am, though I’m proud of my age. It’s not about who I married nor who I divorced…It’s not about how old I was when I had my child or how many tears I have cried.. It’s about how all of those things help me discover what was in me, what I was capable of facing!

Last year at WTAL we asked God to help us Face Forward, to stop looking back so we could focus on what’s ahead…. This year we are asking him to give us the clues that exist inside of us, so that we can see the potential that was always in us… If it was in me, wretched as I am…It’s. In. You

God, help us look beyond the pains of life and into the hope for our tomorrow. Open our eyes that we may be able to see the purpose in our misery, the destiny that was produced in our pain. Continue to show us that focusing on one part of who we are isolates us from Your promise. May we continue to understand and accept that the bad does not cancel out the good in our lives, it just makes it that much greater. Release the fear that hovers over us, so that we can see be kissed by the Son, primed for our mission, and prepared to bring out what’s in us. I believe that we are greater than our mistakes and stronger than our fears…Made in Your image, if ever we should doubt what’s in us, may we always trust that whatever we are seeking it’s in You..

A Very Important Message

Sarah — Wed, 29 Aug 2012 22:56:16 +0000

I have built my ministry and identity around being the best wife and a mother I can be.

For quite sometime I have tried to steer through some serious troubles at home.

As much as I wanted my marriage to last, it cannot.

After professional counseling, and prayerful consideration I have decided to end my four-year marriage.

There are biblical grounds supporting this decision and I have attempted every other recourse but after multiple infractions over the course of the union, and for my personal safety and that of my children, I have come to this painful decision.

Now that it is made, I would ask for privacy while I navigate through this difficult season in my life so that I may now concentrate on being the best parent for my children possible.

Thank you for your prayers.

Choose Me

Sarah — Sat, 04 Aug 2012 01:15:33 +0000

The older I get the more I realize life is never quite what it seems. There are times when life is as simple as enjoying the way sand feels in between my toes, smelling “cold” in the air during the holiday season, the feeling I get when I hear a song that captures my heart or the peace in seeing a rainbow after a violent storm. In these rare moments of ease we realize that life is as simple as living fully in each moment. Then there are times when you are introduced to the severe reality of life and the difficult decisions we all must make. There are some choices that will certainly change the outcome of our lives indefinitely so we choose to bear down and brace for the impact of life.

;

There once was a family who spent night after night watching a family member lie still in a hospital bed while a machine gave their beloved’s chest a steady rhythm he was once capable of doing without its help. Each day the hospital staff would peek in on them, whispering outside the room about the war between life and death taking place inside those four walls. Faced with the choice of keeping hope alive or letting nature take its course, the family members spent day after day facing the complexities of life. Continue to watch the shell of who a person once was or allow their soul the freedom to transition to grace? Each option carrying undeniable pain…

;

There are times in life when you have to make tough decisions, decisions where there will be no clear winners, it’s just life. As I continue to embrace fully who God has called me to be, I have been faced with such decisions. Should I hurt here or hurt there? Without a doubt either will bring pain but, it is the desire of my heart to only endure productive pain, to only sow tears that water the seeds of my destiny, and reveal the mystery of the potential that lies inside of me.

;

Above all things, I hope to always choose me, I must be committed to remaining true to the person God has called me to be. We often sacrifice the beauty of who we are for the ugly insecurities of those who wish to stifle our potential. I cannot choose to live a life where everyone around me benefits from who I am but me. I want to be the first recipient of the blessing that is my life and allow that love to overflow to those who encounter the sweet aroma of my God given confidence. Simply put, there are times when I must break free and choose me.

;

God give us peace in this hour of difficult decisions. May we find comfort in times of adversity and hope in our darkest hours. You have seen fit for us to carry the weight of these crosses so Lord help us believe in the strength You’ve entrusted to us. May the promise of our destiny, quiet the voice of fear that threatens to rob us of our hope. Clear our vision oh God, so that we may see sometimes the only way to break free is to choose me.